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Now somewhat mind boggled as to how exactly I should introduce the Big LD, my thoughts might be somewhat scattered so please bare with me…

Now as I understand the rules of engagement, what should be said and what should not be said.  I also understand that no matter what the butterflies tell you, those tickles have to be appreciated in privacy…only being able to be shared when mutual.  A scarce number of times have I felt the butterflies.  And those times I felt them have those butterflies survived and blossomed into a meaningful relationship.  Now exactly where this is headed is beyond me.  Where the conversations will lead is yet to be seen.

Big LD and I met months ago when he became my fellow cubicle buddy.  When he was first introduced he was instantly sized up.  (Sure he was, if I didn’t size him up then I would be in the wrong don’t you think?)  Well as the months passed by we were friendly, you now cubicle buddies, spitting non-sense politics.  I might even go as far as mentioning that I MIGHT have had a minor crush on the man…but of course would never admit it.  When the time came and my days were no longer spent as his cubicle buddy he would occasionally reach out to chat.  As weeks passed he would dial my number and we would spend years (hours really but that’s how he refers to it) talking and getting to learn about each other.  Eventually this led into daily texting and sweet nothings thru messaging.  Grins first thing in the morning and grins in the evenings is how my days are now.

The conversations we hold are about how life is seen thru his windows and how I relate. These conversations are about how companionship means more to him than the simple girlfriend.  How he longs for a partner.  How somehow I peak his interest and how he wants to take me out of the Bronx.  The conversations do not consist of any sexual curiosities, which is why this man has me sensing something long overdue.  The lingo he speaks is real talk.  Appreciating the sincerity, the candidness and just his ways is valued beyond a description. 

As that Wednesday morning came I was greeted with a text.  Big LD requested I meet him on Sutphin Blvd.  Of course due to the idea that it was already 11 a.m. and I was just rolling out of bed I agreed and said I would leave in 20 minutes.  One hour and a half later I am applying some lip gloss as I text – he was already resting his dome.  So the destination was now his neighborhood and off to trek I went.

As I arrive to his neighborhood we embrace the idea of munching so a diner it is. Sipping of some java and a whipped cream vanilla milk shake add to the snow that is covering the sidewalks.  Juicy cheeseburgers and giggles were the dessert to the evening.   Few blocks away and playful snow tossing we arrive at his porch gate.  I am officially introduced.

Grand tour of the bachelor pad he prepares a movie.  Interruptions of the movie watching, with conversation and many kisses, is how we decided on spending our time together. 

The hours spent with Big LD were memorable.  It was comfortable, I was comfortable.  It left me wanting more.  You see the difference of hanging out with a dude and hanging out with a man like Big LD was learned that Wednesday evening.  What is the difference?  Well with Big LD he let me be me.  Although he aimed for my lips he did not care to bare my shoulder or fondle parts.  I set the pace and it was something refreshing.  Sure I pushed his limits.  Yes I made that man display his excitement.  Yes I made sure our pants were grinding.  But I never felt he was expecting something.

Respected was how I felt.  Honored that he accepted that nothing would come of the night was what I carried in my chest.  Enough that as I waited for the car service to arrive at his door – I had to make sure he would be left with the curiosity, the need to see me again – I violated THE Big LD.